You get a bump on the head and you think you're Pancho Villa?

It's getting to be movie season folks, and I'm going to try to see more movies if I can. And that also means, that I'm going to try and start writing more about them.

Starting today, I'm going to write a movie review for every movie I see in the theater.


But before I get into more detail about that, how about some pictures from today? You know you want them. After these I'll go into detail about Ed's upcoming movie reviews!

Clairemont hotel!


Dad's speed


clouds


The City


more clouds


They gave me a street! woot.

If you want to know more about any of those pictures, post a comment and I'll tell you ALL about them.

So now, movie reviews.

Ed's movie reviews will be written in the Misreviews fashion. It is my goal to make them interesting even if you care nothing about the movie. It's also my duty to review movies that many reviewers would pan because of their popcorn value. Popcorn is good! Fuck anyone who says different.

But still...yeah. I will differ from Misinformer.com in a couple ways. First of all, in their reviews, Marcus is always talking about the movie theater he saw it in, and saying that's a bad thing. I will make a point of it to talk about the theater I'm watching it in. The screen, the print, the crowd, the popcorn. Whatever it is, I'm going to talk about it before I get into the review. If you got a problem with that, tough. You can kiss my black ass.

But, I don't feel like trying to remember the last movie I saw in the theater, so...I'll do one I wrote last year for a little film called Collateral.

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Originally written on August 8th, 2004.

Review: Collateral by Michael Mann
by Edward Vincent

Welcome to the start of Ed's movie reviews.
God damn, isn't that anoying?

The quality of the movie will decide the length of this review. The better the movie, the longer the review. The worse the movie, the longer then review. If it's only mediocre, the review will be short. How much can you read about an average movie anyway? Oh and I'll leave all my spoilers in a separate section, if you're worried about that kind of thing.

And, in a misreviews fashion, my reviews might start off with nothing to do with any movie I saw that day. Misreviews is a section in the Misinformer website. Some of the most entertaining reviews I've ever read. Please check out their reviews, and see how bad mine really are. Too bad they stopped working on their site.

Anyway, on to the reviews.

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Collateral a.k.a. taxicab confessions with a clean cab
Staring
Tom "my hair is cool" Cruise Jamie "Bunz" Foxx And Jada Pinket Smith as The woman on the floor who cries before her job starts.	"I thought I told you to show me the fucking money!"
Reviewed On
August 7, 2004
Rating (of a possible five...)
Aww man I have to come up with my own ratings system…hmm…I know. Kind of stupid but… Four out of five rebel insignias. … What?
Review
Ok, so about a month ago, I went to the movies (Spider-man 2) with my friend, my mom and my dad. We got up to the Bay Street AMC and sat down. There was a big line so the theater was packed….had to sit semi-front row. I usually like to sit in the back but I'm getting side-tracked. The trailers started to roll. The trailer that held my attention the best was for a movie called Collateral. It caught my eye because it was obviously shot on video. And it was an exciting trailer. The icing on the cake was that it was going to be released on my birthday. I nudged my dad and told him that I had to see this movie. I'm not sure if he remembers that or not. Month rolls along… My birthday comes by and it's pretty good. I sleep till noon. Wake up, play some F-Zero. Take a relaxing bath. Dad says he won't go buy crack. And then we go out for a birthday dinner at Kinkaids. Have some teriyaki beef and a hamburger. We try real hard to tolerate my dad's behavior. I ask if they can rush their dinner so we can make it to an earlier showing. My dad can be quite the asshole sometimes, so of course they say no. Then by the time we finish eating neither of them want to go to the movies. IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! I SHOULD GET TO DO WHAT I WANT! But noo they have to be all "I don't wanna see that." Well, what ended up happening is we had to go drop off my dad at home, then mom and I went to the movies. We got there just as it was starting. Lucky there were no good trailers 'cause it took us the entire trailer section to find a seat. I think it's sad that people are so afraid of other people they can't sit next to people they don't know, forcing people who are later than they are to sit in separate seats. That's not cool. I did not like that. We had to sit on the left side of the theater in separate seats. There are a few things about going to the movies that bug me. Sitting on the aisle, and not seeing a movie on opening day are the major ones. I like to be in the center, in the sweet spot of the theater, on opening day before the film's had the chance to get scratched up and ugly looking. I'm picky like that. Anyway what does all this have to do with the movie? Absolutely nothing. I loved Tom Cruise's hair style. I've never seen him look so cool. I can't begin to explain how cool Tom Cruise is. Also I think it could be safe to say that Michael Mann hates the city of Los Angeles. All of Tom Tom's rants about how isolated everyone is in a city so dense is proof. And Tommy Cruise is right. I hate LA for the same reason. There's something wrong when one of the largest cities in the world can be filled with people who don't know each other and never will. It's one of the ways Tom justifies his role as Vincent. Hey there's another reason for me to like this movie. I share a name with a bad ass hit man. Jamie Foxx has never really bothered me. Back in the day of In Livin' Color, he was cool. Booty Call was cool. Him prematurely ejaculating in a rubber glove while the guy in the full body cast was watching was just hilarious. This movie isn't really a comedy, and his roles in the two movies are really different. He did real good though. Things I didn't like about this movie: They tried to make a lawyer look like a good person. They tried to make the LAPD look like the good guys. (However, they did make the FBI look like a bunch of retards.) And even though this movie was almost entirely shot on video, the DLP Theater was showing The Village instead. What the fuck? The DLP Theater was made to show movies like this. I was subjected to scratches and fuzzy images. I was disappointed at this fact. Why would they show The Village, a movie that's been out for a week or two that is shot entirely on film, on the DLP? Makes no sense to me. What more can I say? Get your ass to the theater and see this movie. I doubt you'll regret it. While mom and I were at the movie, dad went and bought crack.
Spoilers Did anyone else notice the piece of music right before the guy falls onto the cab? I'm not sure…but I believe it was the same piece they used in Evangelion, just played on a piano… II Air [ORCHESTRAL SUITE No.3 in D Major, BWV. 1068] (Slow Tempo) [First Collection] That's what iTunes tells me the name of the song is…you can figure it out from there if you're interested. The Jazzman. Where have I seen him before? He's been in other movies… How is it this professional hit man, as cool as Tom Cruise, can't shoot a cabbie like Jamie Foxx? Come on man. That's just boo. Hey…maybe I'm missing something…Maybe Vincent let Max kill him, because he liked him too much. But even after all that, Max goes out of his way to save a Lawyer. A FUCKING LAWYER. Maybe in real life lawyers are good people, but in fiction, lawyers are supposed to be bloodsuckers and ambulance chasers. What gives, eh?