When __Star Wars__ Ruled The World

Okay. This is only one month late. Filler time for the review:

Leading up to the movies release, I felt compelled to buy Star Wars merchandise. This led me to walk into a Burger King one day. Observe:

Boy, cutting people in half is super fun. Look at the expression on my face!~


OMG CHIBI VADER!


The chicken tenders changed shape. I dunno. Stars for Star Wars and lightning for the Dark Lightning that comes out of a sith lord's fingertips? Maybe? You tell me.


Woah, its a Gator!~


And yes, that is me. SURROUNDED BY NERDS! YOU NERDS!

Okay I think that's enough of that.

NOW ON TO THE REVIEW!

Time for some more misreviews ripoffing! I'd like to point out that I am in no way affiliated with Misinformer.com

Review: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith By George Lucas by Edward Vincent
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith      a.k.a. A good reason to kill children
Staring
Ewan "I crawled out of a toilet" McGregor Hayden "Lil' Bitch" Christensen Samuel L. "Action" Jackson And Jimmy Smits as Child Stealing Opportunist who drives an ugly car	I have been to the dark side and back! I have seen a world that no man should see!
Reviewed On
May 19th, 2005
Rating (of a possible five...)
4.5 out of 5 rebel insignias. Hey that's actually kind of appropriate.
Review
Its actually been a month since I've seen the movie. I'm having trouble remembering it. But I'll do my best. But since by now nobody really cares about what I thought of the movie, maybe I should concentrate on things that have nothing to do with the movie itself? I have no idea really. Let's just go over what happened. For nostalgia's sake, I bought tickets a couple weeks in advance at the Jack London Cinema's theater in Jack London Square. This is the only THX certified theater I know of. It is also the place where I saw The Empire Strikes Back Special Edition in 1997. It was the place where I saw Star Wars: Episode I on May 19th, 1999. Okay, maybe I didn't see Episode II there, but that movie sucked. I'd also seen Wonder Boys and a number of other movies there...Such as Kill Bill and The Water Boy, which had run the first trailer for Episode I a week before it played anywhere else. But anyway...For Episode III, I figured it would be a good place, and I didn't want to try and fight for a ticket to the digital projection version at the AMC. There had been a line already when we arrived about 4-5 hours early. We got a pretty sweet spot though, sort of in this homeless guy's paradise but was conveniently well guarded from the rain. It was Isabel, Geoff, Connie and me. It was kind of cool getting there early. Costumed people were there, one dude had a PSP, a couple people were watching things on laptops. One person was watching Episode II on a laptop...but it was FRICKING PAN'N'SCANNED! What self respecting star wars geek would watch it pan'n'scanned when they're waiting to watch the first showing at midnight? Well, they were farther back in the line, maybe they weren't so hard core. Maybe they were fakes. The bastards. There were dudes with Park Sabers (god I want one~) and sabers made by Master Replicas. In general, I had a good time. Though in the end, I lost my damn good umbrella and I also got very sick. This led to problems with my final exams, but I'll save that for another non-review post. They let us into the movie about an hour early. It was quite a wacky experience. Fuggin Jedi-wannabes walking around the theater, brandishing lightsabers. The 'film' started and I can't say I was disappointed. What can I say about this movie that isn't spoilers. I'll say this: The movie did what it needed to do. The peices with Anakin and Kotex® Padme was acceptable, for a change. My least favorite thing about Episode II was the fact that Anakin was like a little kid and kids cant fall in love. I don't care what you say. Since by Episode III we can accept they are in love, we don't have to worry about them attempting to fall in love. By this point we can just assume it wasn't a match made in heaven, and I don't know how many people I know who are married that fit that very same description. Also, we have someone to blame for...well maybe I should save that convo for the spoiler section. I liked Yoda, as usual. The only Yoda I didn't like was the Yoda sitting in the Jedi Temple in Episode I because that was just a terrible looking puppet...He didn't look 860 years old. He looked 520 years old. God damnit. He looked Yaddle's age. This is the main reason why I loved the digital Yoda. He looked more like Empire's Yoda, just, you know, more articulated. I'm still against Yoda swallowing, as he did in Episode II though. I met one of Yoda's animators once. She was a nice lady. But, I think this is one of the problems with digital characters, the animators very often base the performances on themselves. Have you ever seen the Final Fantasy movie? Have you noticed how the bad guy looks nothing like James Woods, but almost exactly like the guy who animated the character? Same reason here. It wasn't Frank Oz doing the digital Yoda. Here's what they should have done, they should have created like a digital puppet type thing. Frank Oz sticks his hand in the thing, and it acts just like the regular Yoda puppet. I think it'd be really funny to see Yoda pick up a soiled prophylactic with a pen. If there's one thing I don't like about Star Wars post 1997, (and there's actually more than one, but let's not get into that) it's the very slow simple zoom in that's common now. You first see it on Obi-wan's updated pad in the A New Hope Special Edition. And it seems to be all over the place in this movie. I DON'T CARE FOR THIS CHEAP TRICK! It can be done better. I want to know who's to blame for this so I can slap them. But, I'm really a gentle person, I wont deny it. This movie was very good. I saw it again that weekend IN DLP (WHOO!) and I suggest you go see it if you haven't already. Get your ass over there to that damn theater!
Spoilers I dunno if I've ever been more satisfied by child killing before. It's safe to say I've never been satisfied by child killing before. Way to go, George. Everyone seems to hate on R2D2's antics in this movie. What's so wrong about him squirting oil on those 'droids and then setting it on fire better than Michael Madson could ever have dreamed of? The little 'droid, bless his cold metal heart, is a mechanic after all. His job is to fix space ships and keep them well lubricated. And, some space ships are a bit too big to get access to all paces by wheel. Therefore he needs jets, right? Jets with fire. Oil is flamable. DO THE MATH! Stop bitching. C-3P0 wasn't so bad in this movie, in Episode II he made James Bond's puns something to look forward to. WTH man? '3PO isn't supposed to be a damn witty guy. He's supposed to be a freaking used car salesman. He did okay in this movie though, his lines were appropriate. Damn if those babies didn't look exactly like Luke and Leia. The lips on that baby girl's face. Damn, it was uncanny. Still, to hell with Padme. You couldn't give birth if your life depended on it you whore. Wife of a child killer. Even after she found out he murdered dozens of children she still defended his ass. TO HELL WITH YOU! Anakin's reaction to Padme's pregnancy bomb was humorous. Not in an embarasing way. It was like, hey, that's probably the proper reaction. How funny. I mean, you could see in his eyes he was saying "What? YOU SAID YOU WERE ON THE PILL YOU WHORE." "There are only two things you can say in that situation: Wow. This is amazing I love you. Or. Whatchugon'do?" Okay, I've never been good at repeating stand up acts. But that's what was going on. DAMN Ki-Adi-Mundi! You went out like a punk! You binary brained bastard. So much for Kit Fisto too, at least he survived longer than those other punk jedi that went out at the hands of Palpatine, with the exception of Mace Windu of course. And don't even get me started on Plo Koon. Let me get this straight. A Twi'lek can be both a slave girl erotic dancer wearing a bra that tends to let boobs pop out...and a jedi master. And they're only women. No male Twi'leks, and that's the way we like em. Or wait. What about Bib Fortuna? SHUT UP MAN!~ Damnit. You have to ruin my fantasy. But anyway, yeah. Aayla Secura went out like a bitch too. But hey, she's a Gator, so I'll give her a break. It was also one of the nicest camera tricks in the movie, the way they hid the graphic death she had. To think that one of us made it to ILM. It's nice to look forward to. I wish I could die on screen as a jedi, even if I do go out like a bitch. I don't think I've got much else to say about the movie.

Next post, if I can get the motivation, will be fanime centric. But since fanime feels so long ago now, I don't think the post will be very long. The pictures I have are, as usual, pretty worthless. Oh well. I got a few worth looking at.

After that, I suspect I'll talk a little about the TechFutures class of 2005 graduation. And after that, if the timing is correct, I'll talk about the 2005 worldOne festival.

PLEASE! If you're in the east bay on July 4th and you are bored, and you don't care too much for fireworks, please head on over to the Cerrito Vista Park for the Seventh Annual worldOne Festival. A day's worth of free music and um, love? And there'll be festive activites, such as last year's rock climbing thing and various Rotary stuff. They also had a circus last year! So get your ass over here. It'll be fun.

Later.